Early this year, I was hurt badly by someone I trusted. I was so angry that I wished terrible things to happen to him, I wished him a double dose of Karma, if it exists. I was sending mean and horrible messages to him for a while, but he never reacted, never responded to any of my text messages, Whatsapp messages, phone calls, never apologized, nothing! He instead blocked me on social media, never picked up my calls and I haven’t heard from him in almost a year.
When he cut off all communication, it agitated me even more and I started planning ways of getting back at him. Friends were telling me to just forget about him and let karma or God deal with him, but I was so consumed with anger, I didn’t want to hear it. I was so angry that at one point my blood pressure was so high I had to stay home from work for a week. Getting sick made me realize that holding on to so much anger was only hurting me, while the person who hurt me was living his life. I told me myself I needed to find it in my heart to forgive him as hard as it was.
I started praying for peace that could only come from God for me to be able to forgive because the anger I was feeling, I don’t know what crazy stuff I would have done to him if I met him. It wasn’t easy but as a Christian, I am commanded to forgive though I struggled with it for a long time. I’ve been hurt before and I was able to forgive because the people who wronged me asked for forgiveness but this time it was very hard because the person hurt me intentionally and never showed any remorse, never apologized or ask for forgiveness, so I thought my forgiveness would be in vain.
One day, during my reflection, I came across a verse that reminded me of God’s forgiveness towards me and it became very clear to me that I needed to forgive that person. I know that if God kept a record of all my wrongs, I wouldn’t be here today, so last week, I sent an email telling the person in question that I forgive him. Being angry at him was blocking my prayers and the blessings that God has for me. The bible says: ‘And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins’, Mark 11:25 – NIV
I also had to forgive myself because I hated myself for being so stupid and too trusting to let him take advantage of my kindness. I think forgiving myself has been the hardest because I know I have a good heart and but it’s also my weakness. I care too much about people who don’t give a rat’s knees about me.
My prayer is that God gives me wisdom and discernment to know and see through people with evil intentions because I am afraid my experiences might make me care less about others which I wouldn’t want to happen. I also need to listen to my instincts, they are always on point but sometimes I choose to ignore, which is a terrible mistake.
In case you are struggling to forgive someone, I would urge you to find it in your heart to forgive that person. I know it’s easier said than done but God does give peace beyond human comprehension. If you asked me a few months ago to forgive this person, I would have told you it was impossible but with time and prayer, I was able to do it and now I am now at peace.
Sometimes you don’t get closure, you just move on and I know that my God will avenge for me, vengeance is His after all.
The new year 2018, has a big blessing with my name on it, I will not let anyone make me miss out on that, so I am entering the new year without baggage on my mind.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you!